Fitting in...

Just when you think you are fitting in and starting to feel like Japan is 'home', someone reminds you that you don't belong here. I was told when I first arrived here that now matter how long I am here, I will always be a foreigner. At the time I didn't understand, because then I DID feel like a foreigner. I was clearly not Japanese! I wondered if they thought I was mistaken that I would evolve one day? I thought it was a strange thing to say. Now, I do understand. When you live in a foreign country for a long time, you usually try to adopt the customs and learn the language as much as you can, and after a while you begin to feel you belong and don't stand out. Sometimes you even forget that you are different, and feel like 'one of them'. My good American friend said to me the other day, 'Foreigner? I don't feel like I foreigner!', and that is how most of us feel. However, it is usually only when someone tells you that you don't fit in here that you are reminded of your own foreignness....then, life goes on again.
Recently, however, it has been harder to bounce back. Those of you who know me well will know that I have been going through severe homesickness for the past two years now. You will also know that I hardly went through it at all for the first 13 years here. I love Japan, and have always enjoyed living here, but sometimes I long for the friends and family of home... I even long for the very soil of home!
When I started this blog I intended to share my life in Japan with all it's struggles and joys. As I look back over the blog what I have written makes my life appear full of excitement (which indeed it IS!). It is an unbalanced picture. There are many obstacles living in this country, and most of them I have conquered and forgotten, but I think it is important to share about my struggles too.
This is an account of something that happened in a Donut shop in our town with 2 of my 'foreign' friends. It is not overly discriminatory, but, if we were Japanese, this lady wouldn't have behaved this way. It is common to get unkind stares, or even 'kind' ones, so we are used to attention, but this kind of confrontation we can do without:
My friends and I were in the Donut shop waiting to be served. There were about 5 or 6 ladies in front of us. They were spread out over the whole counter so we couldn't tell who was being served and who wasn't. How un-Japanese of them, not to form a line! One of the register's opened up and the staff called out, 'Next please'. We waited for the ladies in front to make a move and looked around to see who was next. No one responded and the lady in front of us was talking on her cell phone. The girl behind the counter called out again and the people behind us started to shuffle, so we stepped up and gave our orders. As soon as we did, the lady on the phone hung up and stared at us in disgust. Obviously she thought we had pushed in, but Mister Donuts waits for no man.....oh well. Ignoring her looks we sat down to eat, and the same lady with her friends came and sat right behind us, dirty looks and all. Unfortunately for them, they were unaware that we are well trained in brushing off intimidation and have perfected pretending not to understand. This is a skill most foreigners acquire after their first year.
The whole shop was busy with laughter and conversation, and we were happy to contribute. Suddenly, the lady behind us whipped around and yelled, 'Urusai na!' (Shut up!) at us! At that point I was the one talking, and you know that it takes a lot to interrupt me and cause me to stop mid-sentence. So I eyed her, then my friends and continued talking as if nothing had happened. We chose to ignore it and carry on, as good foreigners do. Don't make a scene. Don't confront them. Carry on pleasantly. Besides, we had lots to catch up on. In Japanese culture people rarely make a scene, and almost never confront anyone, even if the behaviour IS deserving. We assumed she wouldn't embarrass herself anymore, and her friends continued talking loudly with her. After a few more minutes, she turned around and yelled 'Shut up!!!' in English. We continued trying to ignore her and they soon got up and left. What a strange confrontation. After they left one of our kids finally relaxed and asked why that lady was so upset. It was quite unpleasant for everyone.
I would like to say, 'So, there is unpleasant experience number one...', unfortunately, it is more like number 2,026!! Some of my experiences are funny, and some of my friend's experiences unbelievable...but as I remember them, I will share more! Better go, time for a raw egg and seaweed for breakfast....